I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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