the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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