nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
