I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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