He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
