I am puke
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
