get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
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We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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