I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
