I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
