omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
