Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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