Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
