a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
