trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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