You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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