I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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