Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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