no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
