My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
