I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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