Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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