So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My vagina is officially offended.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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