hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
