??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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