just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
