He had one of those small greek statue penises
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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