I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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