threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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