oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize