Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
