the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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