Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
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I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
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Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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