his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He better not be in your backpack
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
