Did you just see the Batmobile???
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
