I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
