omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
