How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
