Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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