god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
