just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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