just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
