I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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