my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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