The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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