im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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