i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
