dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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