guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
