:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
