the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
