I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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