Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize