Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
