life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
