why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
