well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize