Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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