hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Randomize
