Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
