if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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