last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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