I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
