The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
