aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
