so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize