Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
