I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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