I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
